The Tooth Fairy


April 9, 2012 by jooshanoosh

Did the Easter Bunny come to your house yesterday? He skipped mine. Oh, all the Easter CANDY made it, yes. But the Easter Bunny hasn’t been in years. 
I figure that of all the traditional mythological characters, most of my energy goes towards substantiating Santa Claus. Well, first, of course, is Prince, but after that, Santa Claus.

And then, of course, somewhere caught in the crossfire, is The Tooth Fairy.

I will freely admit I do not have a great track record with The Tooth Fairy. Many are the nights Katie and I are going to bed and one of us will remember, “One of our 18 children lost a tooth! We need some loose change to exchange for this tooth!” And it is surprisingly difficult to come up with change on some nights. I’ve had to look for change in the couch. I’ve had to go out to the car and check my little loose-change compartment. I’ve even had to – and I wish I were making this up – take money out of my child’s little Piggy Bank and put their own money under their pillow! I know it’s not listed in the Bible, but I’m pretty sure this is going to come up on my final exam for entrance into Heaven.
I know I’m not the only parent to have completely spaced the Tooth Fairy business and to have been woken up the following morning with a child waving a tooth clenched between their thumb and forefinger, yelling into your face, “The Tooth Fairy didn’t come!” Right? RIGHT? (Validate me, please!)
Your brain freezes and you find yourself saying the most inane things to cover yourself. Things like, “She must have been really, really busy,” or “Maybe she couldn’t find it,” or “Maybe she was with Prince and they were partying like it’s 1999.” Once I actually heard myself say, “Well, it was the Sabbath. So, you know…we aren’t…supposed…to work…on…you know…the Sabbath.”
There was one time when my son Connor was seven years old and he lost a tooth and we didn’t get the job done the first night. So we gave some lame excuse, and told him to put it under his pillow again that night. 
That evening, as I slipped my hand under his pillow to find the tooth, I came across something else. A note.
“Dear Tooth Fairy,
Where is my money? I’m not trying to be mean, but seriously, where is it?
Yes, to my son, this magical sprite was no longer a wonder and a marvel. She was no longer delightful and mystical. She was a lady that was holding out on him. And she must be dealt with justly.
I almost left the tooth, just to see what the next note might say. I can only imagine.
“Dear Tooth Fairy, Look, I thought we had an arrangement. I think you know how this works. Don’t make me report you. I will have you fired so quickly it’ll knock your own teeth out. You’ll be ‘The Fairy Formerly Known as Tooth.’ You’ll suffer a time period of mediocrity, before you take your name back and rise again to a respectable level of fame. Just make it easy on yourself and leave the money.” 

8 thoughts on “The Tooth Fairy

  1. We win in the "worst parents every department" because we have failed to remember more than one night…in a row before. Ugh. The saddest part was that our daughter was so supportive of the tooth fairy, she actually put some of her own money in that next morning and dropped the tooth behind her bed to hide it and claimed the tooth fairy had finally remembered to come. I'll spare you the details, but we managed some whopper of a story once she came clean and it all worked out in the tooth fairy's favor. The worst!

  2. Mary Grigg says:

    My youngest daughter would leave a note – a VERY LONG note asking questions and leaving a space for answers THEN she would do a math quiz on the back. Yes this was 1st and 2nd grade. Let's just say that at 11:30 when I remember to put on the wings and buy me a tooth – a math quiz is no fun… especially when I miss one!

  3. The Mom says:

    The tooth fairy comes to our house during the day. While they are brushing their teeth, during meals, even while they are outside playing. She is magical, and extremely busy, so she comes during the day so she has time to hit all the houses.

  4. Josh Bingham says:

    We frequently forget the tooth fairy. In fact I remember waking up really early in a panic one morning and running down to hurry and fling some change under the pillow before m kid woke up. I also think the Easter Bunny is kinda lame. I put minimal effort inot keeping his identity secret. I can't be bothered.

  5. ~j. says:

    Thank you for the reminder. That tooth has been sitting in Emma's room for weeks. I am not making this up.

  6. Thanks for the reminder! Avy asked today-" Mom, do you think the tooth fairy will take months like she did last time? Is spring a busy season for losing teeth? DO you think she will give me $5 like she did last time (when it took months)? Or, just $1 like the time when it only took her a week?" How did I get this job?

  7. Len Sandler says:

    Thank you very much for sharing this article, I found it really amusing. I myself have have a hard time to explain to my daughter who the tooth fairy is. rockville dentist

  8. Jayden says:

    Even though I am quite old already, I sometimes believe in tooth fairies still. Of course, there's nothing wrong with expecting some money from no where, right? Although my Dentist in Edgecliff would not probably like that I have a tooth to offer to the fairy.

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