Jesus is my Friend…No, Like, Really.


April 10, 2012 by jooshanoosh

So about eight years ago I was doing Comedy Sportz over in Provo. I loved it and I also made some of my very best friends as a result…and my wife come to think of it. One of my friends is this guy who, he and his wife, own Comedy Sportz. They are both great people and I loved them and they, I’m sure, loved me. But this guy, let’s call him Curt Doussett, cause that is his name, he was sort of in charge and he and I used to perform together a lot and we got to be really good friends. I don’t know if you’ve ever done any sort of preforming but you get really close with the people you do shows with, and this was like a 4 year show. Also, it was late on weekend nights and it was mostly a bunch of guys all trying to be funnier than the other guy, so we were…less than reverent back stage before, during and after the show. Which is fine and funny and we were all hopped up on sugar free Red Bull anyway so it was bound to get “Blue Collar.” Now, just to be clear, it’s not like we were killing puppies or anything like that back stage, but there were a lot of flatulent jokes and low brow humor, the stuff of collage boys. (I’m keeping my language very clean because Jesus is going to be coming up toward the back half of this post. )

So this is a picture of Curt:

Surprisingly easy to get BTW Curt, nice.

Right? So he’s a good looking fellow, done some movies, some TV, for the most part kept his shirt on, an all round good guy. Okay, so you get the picture: bunch of guys, comedy, sweats pants and jerseys, grossness, good friends. Got it.

So one day Curt tells us that some guy wants to paint him. We make the obligatory Titanic jokes, which at that time were current, and we all pretty much move on. I do have a vague memory of him telling us that he was going to be posing as…here it is, Jesus.

Next paragraph.

Eight years later in October Conference we were told that every home should have a picture of the Savior. Or at least that’s what Lindsay’s Grandmother told us as she handed us our Christmas gift. Now, before we get in to it, let me just say, so sweet right?! She gave all (or most, she’s good and choosy) of her grandchildren a large painting of Jesus. How could she know eight years ago I was doing limericks in the back room of a comedy club in Provo with this guy:

So this is the picture she gave us. Turns out that the “Guy” painting Curt was Simon Dewey and now you can pick up Curt in robes at Costco.

What, I ask you, do we do?!

First off, (now let’s get in to it) I am already super picky about the art that goes in my home. I love art and feel that each piece represents the moment you came to it, where you were, what part of life you were in, who you were with, it’s a whole thing. And while it could be enough that we hung a painting that Grandma gave us, (as a matter of fact we have a painting that this Grandma painted herself hanging in our home and I love it!) it’s really the fact that, to me, and I’m sorry to Mr. Dewey who is an incredible artist, but this is just not Jesus…it’s Curt. Whose a great guy and maybe if Curt wasn’t glowing and dressed as the Son of Man but was in his referee uniform from Comedy Sportz I might be super into hanging it in the house. But for now I am at a loss. I love the sentiment behind the gift but how do you tell your sweet Grandmother, “Oh, you know, we just aren’t that in to this guy, I mean, we totally know him and he’s cool but not really our cup of tea, for the wall I mean, I’m sure you understand.” Believe me, I know this woman and she would slap my face, wait for the sting to subside and slap me again.

So for now it sits. Which is why I come to you, gentle reader, is there a way out? And please don’t tell me to be honest and up front, of course I could be forthright! But let’s just say I wasn’t, what would I do then? Remember I want schemes not virtues.

**The pictures above were used without out permission from anyone. So please don’t blow them up and hang them in your house. You can contact Simon Dewey or Curt’s agent for larger images. Thanks.

7 thoughts on “Jesus is my Friend…No, Like, Really.

  1. Laurenkri says:

    Maybe you could tell your grandma that your child, in the purity of their little heart, had gifted it to a classmate they had helped convert as a baptism gift.

  2. Hailey says:

    Oh boy, Patrick, if you do manage to hang it on the wall, then you are a much, much stronger person than me. I just couldn't do it. I say you re-gift it to someone who needs Curt, er, Christ in their lives, and tell grandma you were doing a little missionary work.

  3. Lisa says:

    Re-gifting is a good way to solve this problem (Oh, how do you solve a problem like Curt Dousett?–to be sung ala Sound of Music)

  4. DeNae / SHP says:

    I'd put it right over the bed. I mean your bed. I'd never do such a weird thing in my own house.

  5. Emily says:

    Simon Dewey prints were meant to be gifted by well-meaning grandmas and then promptly returned to Deseret Book for credit which can then be used to get something lovelier, preferably your favorite J. Kirk Richards print that is on sale so that you get better art, for cheaper, and still have money left over to replace the overpriced Book of Mormon for LDS families that had fallen apart because it is cheaply made. I know this to be true.

  6. Martha says:

    Oh this takes me back! I remember Clark sending us a postcard of Curt/Christ from the MTC. I had to be very selective of the painting of Christ we have in our home. I don't know what I would do if Grandma gave me this painting. I would probably keep it in a closet and when Grandma came over, hang it up in a prominent place. Oh, and try not to think of flatulence jokes and other potty humor while it was on display.

  7. seashmore says:

    I second those ideas.Related story: this week's speaker in my ward started off by saying his mother had given him a small picture of Christ holding a child. He framed it and put it on his bookcase. One of his roommates walked by from a distance and asked, "Oh, is that a friend of yours?"

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