not perfect

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June 21, 2012 by jooshanoosh

Hey friends! I’m still in London. It’s almost 2 am here but damned if I’m going to miss my PTA post day. I do not want Patrick’s mother, who is my most faithful reader, to be let down. This one is for you, Patrick’s mom!

Too bad I have nothing to say that I already haven’t said on my London blog. Would it be interesting if I shared some of the things I don’t say on my other blog? Cold hard truths? OK! Here’s a few.

1. Wednesday is trash day in South Kensington, where I live. And nobody has those special giant roly garbage cans like we have in Utah. So they bag everything up and leave it on the sidewalk! Where it smells and looks awesome.

2. I hardly ever go to Leicester Square or Piccadilly Circus anymore. The charm is officially dead. If there ever was any. I hate all the people. It’s gross. You know how New Yorkers never go to Time Square? It’s like that.

3. I don’t make a big deal about English accents because English people think our accents are horrible and I refuse to offer them compliments and fawning they can’t reciprocate.

4. Two nights ago an angry drunk man stood on the street below my window screaming obscenities. Like doozies! All the really hard ones. Every time I moved in my room he could somehow see me. He screamed even louder. I wasn’t scared because I’m on the third floor. Way, way up. But it freaked me out that he could see me moving behind my curtains. Eventually the police chased him away. At FOUR IN THE MORNING.

5. The least friendly tourists are the French. They move in packs, and they always seem really put out. Don’t come to the States, Frenchies! We’ll eat you alive.

6. I just really want some ice in my soda. When I ask for ice, I don’t want two wan, lonely cubes bobbing around. Don’t tell me it’s already “chilled.” I want you to pack that sucker with ice! I barely want to taste Diet Coke. I want it to be ice with a Diet Coke flavored hint.

7.  I bought some trendy salmon colored trousers because I knew I could safely wear them in a big metropolitan city, but I still caught some people whispering about them on the tube (French)

8. I put some coins in a homeless man’s cup and his dog almost bit me.

9. Someone needs to tell me once and for all if I’m supposed to tip waiters. I need a definite answer. Enough see-sawing! Do I tip or not? And if not, why do so many of them give me a blank, puzzled look when I pay?

10. I miss air conditioning and drinking fountains.

I’ll stop at 10. London is fantastic, charming, exciting, fun, and wonderful. But all of these things are true. And there are more. Oh, jeez, just wait until I give my report on Paris!!!!

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